Normal


There comes one point in my life where I think I don't want to change anything about myself. Which, I know I'm not even an inch close to perfectness or even good, but can I stay just how I am now? I have no idea how this thing comes into my mind, but I just have this one thought that 'staying' would do great to me. I still can live well even though I don't make any change, no?

Maybe, but yea I don't know. Hmm I got influenced or affected by some people around me, who are absolutely perfectly way better than me. If I have to compare, those people and I are hmmm maybe nothing in similar. Since I used to think that I have to make some efforts to get better, to improvise my own self, then I tried. I tried to do what they do, not all but few steps. And you know what? I am still way behind, it's like I'm the only one who missed the train because I walked too slow. Yes, I know, you might say, take little steps and later on you may follow bla bla bla. But urgh, I can't take this anymore. I can't even put myself anywhere around them, not even behind them. I know which circle I can fit in, so maybe I should back off. But obviously they won't let me go. That's why I come across this 'stay' version of mine, which my body might still be there but my mind and thinking will definitely stay where I should be, at least some place where I can fit in very well.

They say, appreciate good people around you because they are hard to come. But not every good people can help, in my own definition of help. I'm not being choosy over some people, no, at least I tried not to, but I just try to group all people around me based on my needs. You get me? Or to be exact, I group them into few circles ; whom I need to keep them close to my heart, whom I know they will help when I need helps etc. I'm not letting them go, but to keep them in their own special place. I'm not a hater, I know. Haha.

So, I will stay. At least for some time now. I'm not gonna care how you think of me, I will ask for help from Him. I know He is the best to guide me, we know that don't we? Then, pray for me, that I (you and I) will meet again in jannah :')

February 3.