When you are at your worst

I came across this one quote the other day which says, 'don't make up problems if there are none'. Ouch-ed juga sebenarnya, sebab bila nak reflect balik how many times I mengeluh dan mengadu masalah, sebenarnya there were not really 'prolems'. I was thinking bila sebenarnya my worst time sepanjang hidup yang I feel like my life was really upside down or time yang I rasa my life was a total mess. Oh, actually and alhamdulillah I never experienced any yang besar sangat kot to compare dengan ujian orang lain, tapi this is what I could think of right now, hmm I don't know, maybe to just share and remind myself how I moved on from my darkest time and how I able to do better the next day. So, here we go!

Back in highshool, I wasn't really an excellent student, but since I entered SSP most of the times I was in top 20 out of 180 (approximately) in my batch for every exam. I used to get top 3 and being in top 10 was like benda biasa lah juga at that time. And when I was in Form 2, I still remember that was the moment after the final exam results were out and I had some arguments with my two bestfriends. Haha, it was soooo childish to ingat balik sebenarnya lol. Aizaa dan Liyana couldn't make it for 3 Pintar for the next year but alhamdulillah I did. Oh mind you, Pintar is the first class in our school and we were placed according our exam's result and our position in batch, so top 30 will be in first class and so on. It hurt so bad when (I can't remember who (it's either Aizaa or Liyana)) said to me, 'Mai senang lah cakap, tak rasa turun kelas. Kitorang ni payah nak terima kot.' I was like whatttt, diorang ingat I suka ke -.- hahaha childish kannnn kitorang. Pastu macam gaduh sikit after tu okay je semua kawan je balik, sorry Aizaa and Yana, I dah maafkan you both hoping you both pun dah lupa pasal ni HAHAHAH.

And life goes on. We had our good PMR year and our PMR result was the best among all the SBP at that time, yeayyy Eldaterra number one! And here we go again, the moment of truth. For our next Form 4 year, we were placed according to our trial result which sadly, I was in 30 something place. Really, it hurt me sooooo bad that I can't really brain how I'm gonna live my life being in second class (lol over gila time ni bajet budak pandai haha). Sebab mostly my good friends semua stay je dekat kelas Pintar. But I still remember me, Tmad and Nani were moaning one day sebab kitorang turun kelas pastu sesedih haha over lagi, and macam hebat gila lah our batch sebab ramai yang naik class time tu! Then, life after tu sebenarnya bestttt sangatttt! I can say, being in 4 Usaha was one of my best memories in SSP! Kalau tak, tak baik dah dengan Anis, Dila, Nisa' and yang lain semua tu hihi.

Okay so here came my very (kot) worst time I had yang I rasa my life was a mess sangat time ni. I was elected as one of calon high committee for prefectorial board (which we call Top 5 for Head Girl and the gang). We had like one month of training period, banyak lah benda yang kena buat and kena suruh by seniors, prefects, previous Top 5 and teachers, yelah nak train jadi headgirl kan. And indeed, I had so much fun throughout the training period, sebab I learned banyak benda sebenarnya (and kena marah banyak juga dengan Top 5 lol).

We had interviews, camping and adalah lagi for evaluations. I was sebenarnya hoping for a position for Top 5 tu, tapi at that time, honestly me myself up till now still couldn't brain what really happened but my Form 4 year was indeed my worst year ever. My exam results was like the worst everrrr and I was this one time dapat nombor 70 something which ohmyyyy tu teruk gila sebenarnya for me. The year which I rasa I rajin dah study semua tapi teruk sangat result. Time Form 4 tu memang rasa macam tak tahu lah mana silap apa semua, tapi serious tak expect pun segala kejatuhan time tu. Basically tu lah time yang my world rasa macam terbalik apa semua, you know nak SPM kot the next year and my family memang pentingkan lah result bagai tu. At that time, rasa macam selalu sangat nangis sorang diri sebab sedih and frust semua huhu. So, the result for the evaluation was out, and I couldn't make it for any position pun, but that's okay, I rejected jugak sebab ingat lagi masa interview dengan Bonda, I told her I nak tarik diri sebab I nak focus study huhuhuhu lagi.

So, I was in 5 Restu for my Form 5 year. Azam tahun baru 2011 memang membara bara lah nak naik balik, and I was like hardworking and rajin gila time tu, semangat macam obor haaa gitu haha. Alhamdulillah, dapat balik rasa top 30 (at least) dalam batch, again dapat balik rasa straight A's for monthly exam, dapat rasa nombor satu dalam kelas and banyak je sebenarnya benda benda kecik yang I tak pernah sedar or perasan before ni yang sebenarnya taught me so much about life, pasal friendships, belajar kesusahan orang lain, who was really there for you masa tu and banyakkkk sangat lagi tak tershare dekat sini.

So, looking back at those times, I kinda feel good that I used to be at my worst darkest time but I managed to make a comeback, to move on and improved so much from how I was back then. Alhamdulillah for the chance, really. Walaupun it was just 'kejatuhan zaman sekolah zaman hingusan' but seriously I jatuh teruk time tu kottt (at least for me) and I naik balik tu dengan semangatnya yang tak stop fuhhhhh how innocent I was zaman dulu huhuhu.

Maka, Maisarah takde alasan nak bermuram durja bermalas malasan sebab Maisarah kena datangkan balik momentum yang lama yang pernah wujud ketika dulu kala haaaa! Selamat berjuang!

Sorry panjang pula cerita saya haha. Bye!

Meeting real patients!

Forth year of medschool, and I'm three weeks in. Dari hari first class and almost everyday, our lecturers keep reminding us how life's not gonna be easy after this, how committed we have to be towards our  job etc. Fuhhh, to be honest life is indeed hard and getting harder by day T.T

It feels so wrong to whine but sometimes I can't deny my feelings. No, there aren't any big things or major problems I have now to compare with some other unfortunate people, just some part of getting adapted I reckon. InshaAllah, we will all get better everyday. Medicine is all about knowledge, passion and most importantly, practice! But still, the problem I have to encounter everyday at the hospital is the non-understood words from the patients :( but hmmm okay, learn more and believe you can do this, Mai!

So, how's clinical life going on here? Well, to be honest during our pre clinical years, we rarely got classes for more than 5 hours per day but life's really changed now, we have to start our daily routines at 8 am everyday and end at 4pm!

Clinical life is basically one fun thing that medical students would look up to. I mean, it feels good when you are able to meet the real patients, talking to them asking their complaints, trying to diagnose the disease, reading patients' cases from the files and a lot more awesome things! Language is one thing, but what we mostly do is just taking as much as information we can get by history taking from the patients then go directly to our Jordanian friends (groupmates) for any non understood words or complaints, then discussing the case with them and tadaaaaa we are able now to understand the cases! It's tiring actually to talk while trying to figure out the words coming out from the patients, but it's okay, it trains our brain to 'multitasking' lol.

No other fancy things I would like to share for now, as I have to go study because introductory course examination is in one week time! Good luck for me and friends!